The year is coming to its very end and I still have no idea what my resolution is (although the people
around me have been posting and talking about it like they know how to keep track of their lives).
I'm pretty sure that this year has been hectic, with a lot of unnecessary dramas and tantrums here and
there, such as shattering the poor hearts of kindhearted people or terrorizing those horrible ones just
because I want them to stop being so close-minded about things. Anyways. I met completely new
people and befriended them as soon as we clicked, but I've let go of the ones I've hung onto for so, so
long simply because we no longer found chemistry in each other and that our point-of-views have
drastically changed. I wished them all the best even though I don't know if they did the same to me or
not, but that's alright. This year was never about nailing my position on top of the food chain because I
was already flailing and it was a lot harder to pull myself up and gather some sort of vicious guts to start
from the bottom all over again. This is obviously not the end of the story; 2015 will be a lot more harder
and a lot more torturous than this. I know that I've been crashing into this party uninvited and there
are tons of them who are willing to kick my ass off this precious floor, but I won't give in to their
violence. Especially not when I made a promise to myself that I will repay all the mistakes I did this
year with better deeds. After all, the nights are still young and I still got plenty of stars in my pocket to
help me gallop away from this year's misery. Here I am, silently thanking those who are still willing to
walk down this narrow path with this tattered me. I'm thankful for everything that has happened this
year, no matter if they were heavenly or agonizing. See you in the drift!



I went through several
Instagrams belonging to my
friends, and their hundreds
of photo collections fascinated
me. Some of them were
jumping by the beach,
some of them were chilling
out at certain cafes,
some of them were
abroad to study as exchange
students, some of them
were rehearsing for their
next plays, and some of
them were just being
couch potatoes at home,
posing photos with their
lunch meals or their bowls
of decorated ice-creams.
They are all bright people
with positive minds and
productive timelines. Unlike
me, they have interesting
lives and they are nothing
more than just being happy;
as if nothing in the
world can stop them from
being joyous, from being
cheerful, and just being
downright themselves.
I look at their photos
once again, and even if I
am not as happy as them,
I am happy to see
them live happier lives than me.


It's been a while since a grand responsibility is handed over to me. Today's progressive meeting about
our major's very-first national competition for schools all over the nation gave me a serious insight of
how to become part of a job. I glanced at myself from five years ago, who used to shamelessly
underestimate event organizers. I used to think that organizing an event is as easy as picking out clothes
or setting up a dinner table because I was never involved in the organizing process. Being part of the
organizers is definitely not an easy task as I used to believe before, and the intensive debate we threw at
each other tonight sent me chills; the kind of chills which excite me and set me on a certain overdrive.
To be able to directly share ideas and question ambiguous suggestions in the midst of a round table was
quite an experience, and this is obviously new since the context is college students (aka those people
you should never mess with). The discussion rounds make me want to strive harder for a good position
as an acceptable member of this newfound circle. I'm starting to not care if I'm flunking my grades little
by little because of this national event we're trying to organize; I only live once, and it's not everyday I
can get a free pass to pour out my sudden passion towards something as new as this.


And today, I learnt a lot of things. To unintentionally throw away someone who gave me everything
I've always asked for was the worst mistake I have ever done in my twenty years of living. It took me a
couple of years secretly trying to find out how to repay all of the goods deeds that person did for my
well-being, so I eventually vowed that, no matter how many exes I have, I will always support them in
whatever things they want to do. That is exactly what I did today, and when I shamelessly told that
person that I really did gave him my ultimate support, my heart couldn't help but to skip a beat as he
gave me this twinkling look, the obvious "thank you" words left unsaid but whispered through the
breeze. And today, I also expressed a lot of things. It's been an entire decade since I hold an
underground passion for this beautiful skill called writing, and I've been trying to find out ways of how
to make them seem as enjoyable as it is for me towards others. Who said that writing is a boring skill? If 
you cannot find ways of expressing yourself verbally, then how else are you going to express yourself
without writing? Everything I expressed today said it all; this is me, this is what I love to do, I don't care
if some of them would think of being obsessed with writing is cringe-worthy. Nobody can change me.
And today, I even admitted a lot of things. I've waited for two years, three years now, to be able to have
some guts and look at this new person into the eye, just like the obvious strangers we are. But when it
was obvious that we've been stealing constant glances at each other, I just knew that what we have here
is probably just an infatuation. Or maybe it is infatuation. I'd be blessed if it really is something more
than just infatuation, just like how I wished for it to be, but what we have right now is already enough
for me right now. 2014 will come to an end in about two weeks, and I somehow swore that I must be
brave and that I must lit up a spark between us before 2015 falls into our footsteps. I am ready to close
the book I am currently writing, and I am ready to write on a brand-new one. It's about time for me to
proceed with life, grow up, and simply meet someone outrageously new in order to lead me in this life.